It is summertime, and we know the temperatures can heat up fast! We all have our strategies for staying cool when the heat is on – cool drinks, shorts and t-shirts, air conditioning.
But what happens when your internal – or emotional – temperature heats up too quickly?
Does this scenario sound familiar? You are sitting in a meeting with your team, and one of your people is disrupting the meeting by challenging your ideas, disagreeing with your decisions, and cutting you off as you are speaking. Your blood pressure goes up, you start to breathe faster and your internal ‘heat’ is rising. YOU’VE BEEN TRIGGERED!
Sometimes, personalities or leadership styles can clash, or you just might not get along with a colleague very well. This can be challenging, however, knowing how to manage the relationship can be the difference between an uncomfortable situation, and an opportunity to grow as a great leader!
As a leader, it is important to be aware of our own emotional triggers and blindspots in order to show up as a leader. We must be impartial and thoughtful with others, even when they are being a disruptor. Knowing what sets us off allows us to be more self-aware and better able to lead with empathy and understanding.
Leadership is about more than just managing people and tasks; it is also about understanding the needs of those we lead and being able to respond to them in a way that is both effective and compassionate. To do this, we must be aware of our own triggers and blindspots. Triggers are situations or events that cause us to react in a certain, reflexive way, often without thinking. Blindspots are areas of our lives or personalities that we are unaware of or unable to see from another’s perspective. Until we are knowledgable about what is happening emotionally and mentally within ourselves, it can be difficult for us to coach others and help them to be their best.
Leadership is about taking responsibility for ourselves and for others. It is about being aware of our blindspots and triggers, and responding to them in a constructive way. It is also about being self-aware and taking responsibility for our actions and being vulnerable. As a leader, we need to be aware of our own values, beliefs, and assumptions, and be open to learning from others.
We should strive to be impartial and thoughtful when interacting with others, and be open to different perspectives. By being aware of our triggers and blindspots, we can better understand our own reactions and responses to situations and be more mindful of how we interact with others. This allows us to be more effective in our leadership roles and better able to lead with empathy and understanding.
What can we do when we feel that our thoughts and emotions are heating up? Here are a few things to try:
- Stand up and go get a glass of water and take some deep breaths. As simple as it sounds, it helps to interrupt the escalation of your emotions.
- Center yourself before going into a meeting with someone who you know can trigger your emotions. Prepare yourself beforehand by taking some deep breaths and planning an escape if you are triggered.
- Analyze your reactions after triggering encounters—what really bothered you? Was it about you or about them? How might you respond differently next time?
- Have a conversation with the person who triggered you and voice your own feelings about what happened and develop a strategy together as to how you can work better together.
- Forgive yourself! Self compassion is missing from most of our lives. Accept that you are not perfect, and that tomorrow is a new day!
Remember, being a leader requires us to be there for others, so we need to be present in every way. Coaches can help you to gain self awareness — talking through these situations can help you understand how your values and beliefs can help and not detract from your leadership journey.
Share your thoughts below on your strategies for maintaining your cool!